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Mr Bad Ideas now has his name on new website www.mrbadideas.com.

Read his latest bad ideas at
MR BAD IDEAS

COOL HAND LUKE JR.?

There has been an epidemic of parking meters stolen in Houston, Texas. The police finally apprehended the perpetrator after they sat there and watched him pull up a parking meter right in front of them.

ASK MR. BAD IDEAS

Q: My chicken is wearing a little ice bag on its head and wiping its beak a lot. Should I be worried?

A: I would tell you to write your will, but according to the experts there won't be anyone left to leave anything to.

ASK MR BAD IDEAS. Send questions to mrbadideas@mrbadideas.com

PARDON ME. WHAT DOES THE W. IN YOUR NAME STAND FOR?

If you meet someone and their middle name is Wayne, RUN!!!

The list of serial killers and murderers seems to be overrepresented by people with the middle name- Wayne. So, if you don't want to spend the rest of your life sleeping with one eye open, don't give your baby the middle name of Wayne- girl or boy.

TRICK OR TREAT

Originally, Halloween was the day when the peasants, dressed in costumes usually opposite of their station in life, would knock on the door of the lord of the manor for trick or treats. If they didn't get a treat, then the lord would get a trick- like getting his manor set on fire.

I HATE PEOPLE THAT HATE RACHAEL RAY

The blogosphere is full of blogs dedicated to hating someone. There is even a blog for people that hate FOOD NETWORK host Rachael Ray. I guess it is a jealousy thing. They can't stand to watch someone who is happy, enthusiastic, being themselves and making a cooking show interesting (a neat trick if you have seen most try to do it). They call her a twit and their biggest complaint is she makes diner and home-cooking type food instead of nose-in-the-air hoity toity food with exotic expensive ingredients. Go watch the Pheasant Under Glass Channel.

Speaking of chefs. They are repeating Rocco Despirito's show THE RESTAURANT. Rocco and the guy who invested in the restaurant didn't do themselves any favors. Maybe, they were trying to make the show interesting by having everything that can go wrong in a new restaurant go wrong. But, after watching their show, I don't think I would want to eat in either one's restaurants

HALLOWEEN GOING TO THE DOGS

People are crazy about their pets. Their spending on their pets has doubled in the past five years to $34 Billion a year.

Dressing your pet in Halloween costumes is becoming increasingly popular.

I know someone who is going to dress their Pit Bull in a Yoda costume.

EMBARASSMENT

I never knew that a dog could feel embarrassed, until last night. I witnessed two dogs that were totally humiliated and embarrassed. They looked like they felt completely foolish. The dogs' demeanors completely changed when their owners took off the silly Halloween costumes they had put on them.

SPRING FORWARD FALL BACK

Daylight Savings Time was invented by Benjamin Franklin. Many farmers are against it because the extra hour of daylight tends to burn their crops up. Arizona doesn't have it because they don't need to be any hotter in the summer.

THOMAS EDISON'S DIRTY TRICK

Read about Edison's shenanigans and hijinks to plant a negative image about a competitor that resulted in a new kind of punishment.

THOMAS EDISON and the ELECTRIC CHAIR

DNA MADE EASY

You don't have to go on Maury Povich anymore to find out who the babydaddy is.

I heard an ad on the radio for a home DNA test kit.

If you don't need to find the babydaddy, I guess you could buy a kit and set up your own CSI: Wanda or CSI: Louie.

LIVE IN A SHIPPING CONTAINER

Have you ever thought about living in a 40 foot metal cargo container that they use to transport stuff on ships and trains?

Architectureandhygiene.com has. They will sell you a kit for a 2000 square foot two story house made out of 5 shipping containers. The price of the kit: $76,000.

LAZY NEWS

Along with standing in floodwaters, standing in hurricanes and standing in shopping mall parking lots the day after Thanksgiving, television newsrooms always ready for an easy story send reporters to the local bars to ask drunks about what they think about their team in the championship. Every drunk has the same answer:


Yeahh!!
Wooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

DEAL OF THE CENTURY

The Silna Brothers get paid over $13 million a year to do nothing.

Read DEAL OF THE CENTURY in Weird Ways to Get Rich!

MAMA DON'T PREACH

Madonna says that she forbids her children from watching television. She says that she doesn't want their minds polluted by popular culture.

I wonder if she forbids them from going into libraries and used book stores, too? I think it is her elaborate scheme to keep them from seeing what mommy has been up to.

WHERE HAVE ALL THE FLOWERS GONE?

The Shakers were once a religious sect known for making well crafted furniture. One of their religious beliefs was celibacy- married couples included.

The Shakers are now extinct.

THIS COULD BE YOUR BIG BREAK

Nobody watches network television on Saturday nights anymore. The only thing they show are repeats and NASCAR races. Movies don't work anymore because of the commercial interuptions. There is no original programming.

This Saturday night, NBC, will have the QUILL AWARDS. An award show for the writers of books. Will there be singing and dancing? Poetry reading? Andy Kaufman once ran off unruly heckling audiences by reading every word of The Great Gatsby to them. Will novelists be reading chapters from their book?

This type of show would have been on PBS or A&E or Bravo before they went to bounty hunter, drunks at the airport, and giving guys the queer eye shows.

ABC is willing to listen to anyone with an idea for a show as long as it can be made cheaply ($500,000 an episode).

Now is your chance for your revolutionary idea.

CHEAP TERRORISM

We know Al Qaeda spends most of its time thinking and planning diabolical plots. They have hundreds of them. Now, they are trying to bankrupt us without actually carrying out any of them.

They layout the plans for their operatives and if they are ever caught they spill the beans. The New York Subway gets closed down. The Baltimore Tunnels close down. They have just caused nearly as much havoc and expense as if they had set off a bomb.

The United States bankrupted the communists in Russia by spending all kinds of money on futuristic weapons. Al Qaeda is trying to bankrupt us by sitting and dreaming in a cave and spending nothing.

DON'T CALL HIM THE SOUP NAZI

Al Yegenah has just reopened his International Soup Kitchen in a new location,

but

DON'T CALL HIM THE "SOUP NAZI"

Read his story in Weird Ways to Get Rich!

ATTENTION CARD SHARPS

You can now play Texas Holdem online against Hollywood dummies (actual movie and tv stars) at HollywoodPoker.com.

The best professional poker players once had to stay one step of the sherriff. Now, they win millions on theWorld Poker Tour. The smartest thing they ever did is make it possible for you to get in the tournament. The interest in poker has exploded. Now everybody has the dream that they could win millions using their brilliant skills.

The professional poker players look like they are just sitting there looking stone faced, but they are running math in their heads and looking for their opponents tells. Doyle Brunson, the wise old man of poker, never looks at his cards until he watches everyone else look at theirs. You can be poker faced, and wear dark glasses, it won't matter, he is looking at your throat to see if your heart rate has gone up.

WIN "THE APPRENTICE"

I notice the contestants on the two Apprentice shows seem to be quite full of themselves and most not having the right attitude.

The girl Donald Trump fired this week thought everyone and every task was beneath her.

I have an essay for you to read. It was written in 1896 and there have been more than 100 million copies printed. It has been handed out to armies. It was found on a dead soldier, taken back and distributed to another army.

If you read this essay and get the message and live it, if you try to become Donald Trump's apprentice, you'll win.

Read MESSAGE TO GARCIA

SPOT THE LOONEY

I didn't know much about Nicola Tesla. I just thought he was a less known inventor and contemporary of Thomas Edison. Tesla was the inventor of Alternating Current (AC) and the Tesla Coil.

TESLA according to the website TALES OF FUTURE PAST was a crackpot who died a death similar to Howard Hughes- alone in a hotel room living out his days talking to his pigeon.

Among his kookie plans- a death ray machine and a tower to beam electricity into the ionosphere to supply the world with power. Plans he actually talked a few countries and famous investors of his time into throwing money.

He also claimed to have invented an oscillation device with which he had shattered a two inch steel chain link and would be able destroy the Brooklyn Bridge. Later he said it could distengrate the Empire State Building. At one time he said it could crack the earth in half like an apple. Luckily, he seldom wrote down his plans, so that invention is safe from Al Qaeda.

He wanted very badly to talk to Martians and at one time thought he was picking up their signals on his electricity transmitter.

Some now claim he was from another planet with plans the world was not ready for.

Read more.

HIGHWAY HI-FI

The 1956 Chrysler offered the option of the Highway Hi-Fi- a record player for the car. It played specially made records that played at 16 2/3 rpm and played for 60 minutes per side. You couldn't play records from your collection on them, you had to buy records made for the player and only 32 were offered- including the soundtrack from movie "Davey Crockett".

The Highway Hi-Fi was not offered for the 1958 Chrysler.

MO' MONEY MO' MONEY

When you receive a direct mail letter from a political party asking for contributions and you send them money, you will constantly receive more letters from them asking for more money.

They will spend all of the money you sent them sending letters to you asking for more money so they can spend all of that money to ask you for more money.

60 cent A PACK HOT DOGS

I refuse to buy hot dogs that cost 60 cents a pack at the grocery store. Someone must be desperate to get rid of the meat in them.

Out of the 60 cents in the price comes the cost of packaging, manufacturer's profit, wholesaler's profit, retail profit, shipping (it costs a lot to ship a pound of anything). That probably puts the value of the meat(?) into the negative. So, they are paying you to take it off their hands.

60 cents a pack hot dogs serve a dual marketing purpose. They can sell them to cheapskates and repel others to the $3 or more variety so they can feel secure and superior. For all I know, there isn't any difference in the meat(?).

Another Health Nut Horror: In Clifton, New Jersey they line up at Rutt's Hut where they deep fry hot dogs. You can get an "in-and-out" which is barely dunked to "The Ripper" which is deep fried until the skin rips open. People love 'em. They probably have a few doctors who sneak into Rutt's Hut wearing dark glasses and hoods.

Visit FreeEnterpriseLand.com's HOT DOG PAGE . With links to a guy who will set you up in Hot Dog Cart business to several websites from Hot Dog devotees that take their camera and document and review hot dog stands they visit.

KEEP YOUR NOSE CLEAN

Stay on the straight and narrow and away from the long arm of the law. If you are sent up the river and find yourself on a road crew cleaning up the highways, you will end up collecting URINE BOMBS.

Truckers, unwilling to stop for a bathroom break, are filling up milk jugs while they roll down the highway. Then, down goes the window and it is bombs away.

PLANNING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD?

An Arkansas woman recently gave birth to her 16th child in 17 years. The baby is a girl, after an eight year girl drought.

The good news is they have nine bathrooms in their house.

WOMEN LOVE SHOES

Women love shoes. Some women are aspiring Imelda Marcoses. The girls of "Sex and the City" raved about Manolo Blanik shoes- designer $500 footwear with about a $1 material cost. There are women that collect Manolo's and own 40 or 50. Just think of how big a tv you could buy with the money spent.

Who are women trying to impress. Not men. I don't think I have ever really noticed what kind of shoes a woman was wearing or whether they matched her outfit.

I guess I would notice if she was wearing combat boots.

IDENTITY THEFT

In 1938, Woolworth stores sold wallets that had imitation social security cards with a number but no name. The imitation cards were there to show off the wallets like picture frames come with pictures of people that you don't know.

The problem was that the number on the fake social security cards was real. It belonged to a secretary at the wallet company.

During the next 39 years, it is estimated that 40,000 people used the secretary's number on their tax forms.

MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT BLOGGERS

Some people say that bloggers are people that are just sitting around their house in their pajamas typing.

I don't wear pajamas.

BAD THOUGHTS

Have you ever wondered if someone was spying on you? Why would they do such a thing? What have they got on you so far?

TOILET SEAT CONTROVERSY

Why do women get so upset about the toilet seat being left up?

If you are living with an unthinking oaf, I think you would prefer lowering the seat rather than the alternative of encountering a wet one.

SQUIRRELS ADDICTED TO CRACK

London drug dealers buried their wares in a city park. The squirrels found them and dug them up. Now, there are squirrel crack addicts taking over the park.

The squirrel crack addicts refuse to eat, harass park goers and can't remember where they hid their nuts and couldn't care less.

NO COFFEE NO INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION?

Coffee reached England in 1550. Before that, everyone was drunk all of the time because they drank alcoholic beverages instead of water. They didn't drink water because they didn't want to get cholera and dysentery.

When they sobered up and became alert, clear and hyped from caffeine, things changed. They started thinking and inventing instead of sloshing around.

Lloyd's coffee house is where merchants and traders met and where Lloyds of London started to insure ships and their cargo.

So salute coffee, without it you wouldn't have your Playstations, cell phones, and Ipods.

HALLOWEEN GOING TO THE DOGS

People are crazy about their pets. Their spending on their pets has doubled in the past five years to $34 Billion a year.

Dressing your pet in Halloween costumes is becoming increasingly popular.

I know someone who is going to dress their Pit Bull in a Yoda costume.

MYSTERY MAN REVEALED

Some faces seem to be always turning up in commercials.

The fat guy who plays Chubs, David Spade's patsy in the CapitalOne commercials and it seems like every other commercial on television, name is Nate Torrence.

Nate was once a champion trampoline gymnast in the 12 - 14 year old age group.

They say he has a popular one man stage show in Los Angeles that is quite funny.

How do I know? He had a walk on part on LAS VEGAS last week and I traced him on IMDB.com because it was bothering me.

MAKING US LOOK BAD

In an intercepted letter from Al-Qaeda leaders to Zarqawi, the terrorist leader in Iraq, they chided him to cool it with the slicing people's heads off. It is bad PR. He should shoot them in the head instead.

Did Zarqawi upon reading the letter stomp around the hovel in a spoiled brat snit? "They're ruining everything. I like to slice heads off."

WATER WATER EVERYWHERE

Spanish television is showing the flooding in southern Mexico and Guatemala caused by the double whammy of hurricanes hitting from either side. The floods appear to be much worse than what was caused by Katrina.

The coverage includes the obligatory reporter standing in the rushing flood waters and pictures of looters making off with live chickens.

COLUMBUS DAY QUIZ

How many voyages did Christopher Columbus make to the new world?

You are WRONG.

I know the answer, but I'm not going to tell. Look it up.

ASK MR BAD IDEAS

Q.: I lock my keys in the car a lot, what should I do to prevent this?

MR. BAD IDEAS: I always leave my windows rolled down. That way if I lock the keys in the car, I can always unlock the doors and get in the car.

Ask Mr Bad Ideas a question, write:

mrbadideas@mrbadideas.com

WHAT A STIFF

Apparently sex euphemisms must be over the head of Democrat Party leader and former presidential candidate Howard Dean.

In an interview, he was asked if Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers' papers from working as President Bush's counsel should be released instead of presidential privilege being invoked.

He said: "Yes, I don't think they want to go around playing Hide The Salami."

This reminds me of a story about President Richard Nixon. He was trying to be "one of the boys" and asked a young single guy staffer: "Well, did you fornicate, last night?"

GOVERNMENT IS WONDERFUL!

If you love FEMA, then you must love socialism,too. The basic problem with the government running anything is distribution. Nothing gets to where it is most needed because it is decided on by a handful of "geniuses" instead of of thousands of individuals who understand each local situation.

FEMA has bought $100 million worth of ice to supply the hurricane victims. Trucks loaded down with ice are driving all over the place and waiting here for awhile and there for awhile because FEMA can't decide who needs the ice. Some people have more ice than they need, others haven't seen any ice. The truckers are being paid $900 a day to sit. Eventually some are told to just give it away, take it back to the warehouse it came from or let it melt.

I FOUGHT THE LAW AND THE LAW WON

It is amazing to me that so many people that live just feet from the coast, a river or a California forest are shocked when their house gets destroyed or burned down.

They know and everyone knows that at some point it is going to happen. You can hope and pray that it won't, but eventually the odds are going to catch up to you.

The hurricane or fire is coming whether you are there or not. It probably came across there several times in the last thousand years. It has nothing against you.

Why did you put yourself in that position and why are you blaming god and the government for it when it happens.

It is "oh, well" time. Time for a new plan.

A GREAT PLACE TO STAY?

The October issue of Southern Living magazine just arrived.

There is a feature article about the "Best Spot in Biloxi to Stay" and describes the great view of the Gulf of Mexico that can be seen from the porch.

ARGUMENTS AGAINST ATHEISM

What do sports cars, diamond jewelry, make-up and breast implants have in common? The overwhelming desire to have sex and reproduce. Sex and reproduction are proof that there is a god.

The mechanisms for sex and reproduction are so complex that they had to be designed by a higher being. The motivation for sex and reproduction are so strong that we can't ignore it. If we didn't have the overwhelming desire, would we have sex? Someone is playing with us.

We mostly try not to reproduce, but god sends us all kinds of cues, lures and enticements that we let our guard down and new people being produced is the result.

Men will do almost anything for women and women can get men to do almost anything for them.

Without sex and reproduction, men wouldn't be motivated to do much of anything and women would have little need to own one of the slobs.

How can an atheist explain away this. There must be a god.

BAD EXPLANATIONS

We often get explanations for a problem by just restating the problem in a different way, which is no explanation at all.

Johnny can't read because he has dyslexia. Dyslexia is Latin for can't read.

Janie has a rash because she has dermatitis. Dermatitis is another word for a rash.

Johnny doesn't pay attention because he has Attention Deficit Disorder.

Mary is tired all the time because she has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Does the medical community give these explanations just to get you off their backs? They placate you to make you happy.

HOME OF THE GARBAGE PLATE

After the bars close, Rochester, New York college students risk their lives getting to Nick Tahou Hots to eat their beloved belly bomber of a meal- The Garbage Plate.

Read all about what it is and the Nick Tahou experience-
NICK TAHOU HOTS: Home of the Garbage Plate

THE BEST LAID PLANS OF MICE AND MEN OFT TIMES GO AWRY

You can have the greatest plan in the world. You can win awards and accolades for it and be universally praised for it's brilliance but you never really know how it will work until you give it a try. Today, I am thinking about emergency plans and the people that harp when things don't go like a hot knife through butter.

There is a well known principle which I am drawing a blank at the moment on what it is called-"If anything can go wrong, it will."

When the unforeseen problems occur then the professional critics come out. The crying, complaining and finger pointing starts because that is the easiest thing in the world to do.

If you are smart, you learn from your mistakes and correct them so your plan works better next time.

The definition of stupidity is when you keep doing the same thing that doesn't work expecting different results. Which is generally also the definition of government.

JUST CAN'T PLEASE SOME PEOPLE

For some people, hating President Bush is an obsession, which says more about them than him.
They claim he is as dumb as a box of rocks, but brilliantly devious. They harp about his five week vacation, what might be called at one time the western White House. He has everything there at his disposal except a bunch of moldy old windbag congressmen who aren't in Washington DC in August anyway.

They scream that he was too slow responding to New Orleans, but when he says he and his staff will be at the Command Center for Hurricane Rita, they scream at him "Aren't you going to get in the way?"

They only want him to resign. There is a steady stream of Republicans in the line of succession to take his place for their irrational hatred.

NO PRIVY PRIVACY

In a recent study, it was discovered that after using bathroom 90% of women were likely to wash their hands while only 75% of the men.

How did they conduct this study? Hidden cameras? Maybe less of the men washed their hands because they wanted to get out of there because some creepy guy with a clipboard was hanging around the bathroom.

Anybody Home?

Cindy Sheehan now thinks that the troops should be removed from "occupied New Orleans".

I believe her fawning press coverage days are over. Cindy who?

Did her name used to be Sunbeam or Moonpetals?

I have noticed that Cindy's speech pattern is remarkably similar to "Wendy the Retard", a regular on Howard Stern's radio show, who parrots everything she hears from Howard. "Gary the Retard", another Stern regular, also will repeat whatever the show staff prompts him to say.

ALWAYS WEAR CLEAN UNDERWEAR

Did your mother or grandma warn you to always wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident?

Minton Sparks, who tells stories set to music, was recently interviewed while promoting her new cd- Sin Sick. She said she was once a social worker and what she loved most were the stories people told her. Minton told the story from a man about the time a tornado came through the farm area where he lived when he was a child.

The tornado had run through the neighbor's farm and threw the woman that lived there up into a tree. She was not terribly injured, but got stuck in the tree. When everyone came to help, they could see up her skirt and notice that she was wearing holey underwear.

The man's grandmother became quite distressed. They didn't have much money, but she scraped up enough to go out and buy the best most expensive pair of underwear she could find.

Whenever the wind would pick up, she would go to her bureau, pull out her expensive underwear and slip them on. She called them her "tornado drawers".

MR AND MRS. SHORT TERM MEMORY

Just a few years ago, everyone was irritated with the French. We started boycotting French products, pouring champagne down the drain and changed French Fries to Freedom Fries.

Have you noticed the new trend in advertising. Everyone is turning into a frenchman. At Wendy's, a guy affects a french accent and orders a chicken sandwich like he is in a french restaurant. In another commercial, a cow hand has turned into a beret wearing dressed like a mime frenchman because they are offering Stuffed French Toast at the pancake house.

You can do most anything and in a year or two nobody will remember, because most folks have a memory shorter than my dog's.

THEY NEED MORE VACATION

Congressmen should vote for more vacation time for themselves.When they are in Washington, they seem to feel obligated to pass laws and bills. They believe they are solving problems and give each other big slaps on the back and congratulate each other for their wisdom, but really they just open new cans of worms. When they pass bills, it requires money. The bills never seem to solve any problems but eat up money forever. Then, later on, they will pass a new bill to repair the failure of the previous bill, but this time with a bigger budget.The more vacation they have, the less time they have to mess things up.

Law of unintended consequences or why politicians are stupid revealed in:
FREDERIC BASTIAT EXPLAINS IT ALL

CONDO FOR SALE. OCEANVIEW!

About 8 years ago, I came across the worst idea I have ever seen. An Oklahoma man had decided to start his own country called New Utopia. He was going to gang a bunch of oil platforms together south of Cuba and east of the Yucatan Peninsula. This looked to me to be on the super highway for hurricanes headed for the Gulf of Mexico. The main industry for New Utopia was going to be gambling casinos and banking.

I checked the other day to see if he succeeded. I found that there is only a buoy in place to mark the spot and the man had been under investigation for trying to fraudalently sell $350 million in bonds to supposedly finance the project.

His dream may finally be coming true. His website is advertising that they will be moving a barge in place by the end of the year. There will be 12 condos on the barge for sale. You can buy a 1900 square foot condo for $200,000. The barge has a helioport, dock, clubhouse, general store, a swimming pool and little else but an oceanview. A 360 degree oceanview.

You better like your neighbors, because you will be living close to them with little room to move around. Once you are there you are probably stuck. The man and his wife are prince and princess of the principality of New Utopia.

You can buy a New Utopia citizenship- limited to 4100. They will also sell anyone a New Utopia international driver's license for $110. Just imagine what you can do with that

.There is another man that has his own country on an oil platform off the coast of Ireland called SEALAND. He has lived there since the 1960s. Sealand's main industry is a website hosting company, I assume for websites of dubious intentions.

WHAT'S FOR SUPPER?

The Big Apple Inn in Jackson, Mississippi has been serving their specialty since they opened in 1939:

PIG EAR SANDWICH

The sandwich consists of 1/2 Boiled Pig Ear topped with cole slaw, mustard, homemade hot sauce on a soft dinner biscuit.

They go through about 300 pig ears a day.

FOOD, CLOTHING, HOUSING AND DISSIPATION

Evacuees in Houston were given debit cards with as much as $2000 stored on them so they could buy food and personal items. There were no limits on what you could spend the money on.

Some, have used the card to pay their tab at strip clubs.

Whoever used the card at the clubs must have been so traumatized that they just had to see a stripper for their mental well being.

I'M NOT DEAD YET

All of the talking heads have been claiming that New Orleans was finished or would take forever to recover are only considering what the government will do.

Free Enterprise is already starting to kick in and will bring results that none of the "all-knowing genius" experts have even thought of or considered.

Read why Free Enterprise is Great and socialism stinks.

If you want everything to run like the post office and spend your life depending on government "efficiency", go live under socialism where nothing ever gets to where it needs to be.

If they had made an announcement before Hurrican Katrina hit, that anyone hauling a 100 people out of New Orleans would receive a million dollars, there would not have been a soul left in town to suffer at the Super Dome or Convention Center. They would have been snatching people up against their will and throwing them on a bus or truck.

COLD HARD CASH

A New Orleans congressman took National Guardsmen away from their task of rescuing people and combating crime to drive him around New Orleans and his district to survey the damage.

While surveying his district, they happened to drive by his house. Lo and behold the flood water was only up to the third step, so the National Guard truck backed up to his porch. He got out and continued surveying damage.

The guardsmen waited an hour while the congressman was inside. He exited his house with a laptop computer and a box as big as a refrigerator which he had the guardsmen load on the truck.

The truck got stuck and they had to wave down a helicopter, with four just rescued evacuees on board, to help them

The congressman didn't consider what his casual little stop was costing both in lives and money. It is reported he was more concerned about the cash he had stashed in his freezer.

"I WOULD GIVE THE CARS AWAY, BUT MRS. MUNTZ WON'T LET ME. SHE'S CRAZY"

Earl "Madman" Muntz was the original "the owner is crazy" television pitchman and ubiquitous advertiser. He made and lost three fortunes.

He was a car dealer. He gutted the electronics to make the first low cost television sets. He popularized 4-track tapes the precursor of the reviled 8-track. Plus started many other businesses.

Earl Muntz built and sold a sports car, the Muntz Jet, that he lost a thousand dollars on everyone he sold. But, that was all right. One of his famous ad pitches was "I buy 'em retail and sell 'em wholesale, It's more fun that way." The Muntz Jet was mostly bought by the Hollywood crowd, and today are a highly prized collectable.

He was an outrageous character and was married seven times. But all of this is just part of the story.

Read more in Zillionaire Magazine: MADMAN MUNTZ STORY

IT'S WINDY IN HERE

I was watching the John Roberts hearing opening session and noticed that the Democrats have filled the judicial committee with every bloated pompous windbag blowhard they have on their side on the aisle.

If Teddy Kennedy's last name was anything but Kennedy and he was from anywhere but Massachusetts, would he have been elected to any office anywhere higher than the proverbial "dog catcher."

HE HATE ME

There was a player in the short lived XFL football league that had "He Hate Me" on the back of his jersey instead of his name.

Kanye West and assorted other self-appointed mouthpieces claim that the federal government didn't come roaring into New Orleans to rescue the people at the SuperDome because George Bush hates black people.

Chris Rock facetiously said that George Bush hates midgets.

They are both wrong. George Bush must hate Louisiana.

It could be a state rivalry thing. I hate driving through Louisiana. When I have to drive through there to get to other states, I call it "Lousy-ana" .

George Bush couldn't really pull the trigger without stepping on the toes of the governor of Louisiana who is about as indecisive as the wimpy vice-president forced to take the reins of president on the tv show "24".

TV WASTELAND

I turned on the television this weekend and ESPN was showing a paintball battle. Another time they were showing a dart tournament.

I am waiting for them to televise Staring Contests.

UPDATE (3 weeks later) ESPN had a Scrabble tournament this weekend. Staring Contests are getting closer.

RED LIGHTS

Why do you always hit red lights when you are in a hurry? When you need a red light because you didn't get the door shut properly or you just dumped your drink all over your lap and the rest of the front seat, you'll get non-stop green lights.

So, if you are in a hurry should you risk falling out of the car?

HETTY GREEN

Who was Hetty Green? She was the wealthiest and most miserly woman in the history of America. When she died in 1916, she was worth between $100-200 million which is equivalent to $17 billion in today's dollars.

She inherited $5 million dollars when her father died. She inherited another $2 million from her aunt with a will that appeared Hetty had forged. She made her money investing in Civil War Bonds, real estate and railroad stocks and barely spending a cent.

Hetty wore the same black dress everyday until it would disintegrate. She had the nickname "The Witch of Wall Street" probably because of her dress and personality. She worked sitting on the floor of her bank surrounded by trunks of papers because she refused to spend the money to rent an office. She got married, but got rid of him when she was forced to pay one his debts. Her son lost his leg because she refused to take him to the hospital after breaking his leg.

She argued over every bill she got and was routinely sued by lawyers to collect legal fees. She would travel thousands of miles to collect debts owed to her.

She lived in cheap grungy leased apartments. She ate broken cookies that she bought in bulk and warmed oatmeal on the office radiator. She had a bad hernia but refused to have an operation because it cost. Hetty was convinced that everyone was after her money.

Hetty's only extravagance was her dog who they say ate better than her.

She died at age 81, and left all of her money to her two children. Her children spent and gave money to charities generously.

Read more stuff like this in ZILLIONAIRE MAGAZINE at FreeEnterpriseLand.com

TAKE CARE OF THIS

80% of Americans think they are smarter than their boss.

Except for my employees, I believe they are right.

WARNING

Beware of pickpockets and
loose women.

A GIANT BIG SALE

They are having a Gigantic Super Big Sale at the


HOW TO GET RICH BOOKSTORE


"They bought thousands of books from Bankrupt book publishers!"

New Orleans, City in the Sky?

What people love about New Orleans is the French Quarter and the Garden District which are both in pretty good shape. They also love the food, music and attitude of the people. Most of the rest of New Orleans is kind of ugly and it's hot and humid and swampy.

Of course, what do I know. Everytime I have been there or gotten near there and thought about detouring , I have encountered gigantic thunderstorms. One time it flooded. Once, a jet I was on nearly crashed at the New Orleans airport, but that is another story.

Maybe, if and when they rebuild the rest of New Orleans, they should build it like the city where the
JETSONS live.

Cheers....Bombs Away

One guy who has stuck it out in the French Quarter said that while there was no water pressure he flushed his toilet with Draft Beer.

THEY MUST BE PSYCHICS

I visited New York City, recently, and rode the subway. It was rush hour and the train was packed. They kept making announcements over the train's public address system: "There are pickpockets on the train."

How did they know there were pickpockets on the train?

Democrats need a new mascot

The Democrats should change their mascot from the donkey to the

SCREAMING BANSHEE


or, the "mother-in-law"

HELL NO WE WON'T GO

Carnival Cruise brought a ship to Galveston, Texas to house evacuees from New Orleans. It has room for 7000.

When evacuees at the Astrodome were asked if they would like to move to the cruise ship, they found few takers. They wanted nothing to do with anything near water.

I don't know if some of them had no idea about how much nicer living on a cruise ship would be or if their phobia was too great.

Mrs Bad Ideas told me that if we are ever wiped out by a hurricane and we became separated, I should look for her at the ship.

WAITING FOR KOOKS AGAINST HURRICANES TO GET NAKED

There are two totally different kinds of people.

There are the people that roll up their sleeves and get things done (Like the military, firemen, police, cleanup crews, and volunteers helping people in New Orleans).

There are people that delude themselves into thinking they are doing something by posing nude or participating in some other foolish symbolic gesture for whatever cause. They criticize those who aren't afraid to do the dirty work and condemn them if they haven't produced instant results. All they do is advertise. Advertising is worthless if it doesn't cause action. They advertise how stupid they are.

The real shame is how the news media and other codependents fall all over the useless symbolizers and people that say politically correct things and look down their noses at the people who do instead of talk.

Or maybe, there are a lot of people just looking for an excuse to "get nekkid".

I JUST REALIZED I HAVE BECOME A PENNYAIRE!

THE HECK WITH EMPLOYEE DISCOUNTS

It started with car dealers. Now, everyone wants to give me the employee's discount.

I want the discount that the owner's give to their own grandmothers.

QUOTES FOR TODAY

In regards to way some people have been acting lately her are some apt quotes.

OPINIONS ARE THE CHEAPEST
COMMODITY ON EARTH.


AN EMPTY BOX CAR MAKES THE MOST NOISE.


ANY FOOL CAN CONDEMN, CRITICIZE AND
COMPLAIN. AND, MOST FOOLS DO.

If Only the Runaway Bride Had Lived in New Orleans

Anyone who lived in New Orleans that wants to pull a Runaway Bride, now would be the time.

Since, many people won't have the paperwork to prove who they are, they can say they are anybody.

Since, many are separated from the people they know, there isn't a starting point to track you down.

Thank Your Garbageman

Watching the people in New Orleans standing in the mountains of trash at the Super Dome and Convention Center should make you fully appreciate your garbageman.

No parent dreams of the day that their child will become a garbageman, but they provide a service that we can't live without.

So, next time the garbage truck comes rattling down your street, go out to the curb and tell your garbagemen- Thank You. When they recover from the shock, they'll appreciate it.

Thank Ya Lord For All This Free Stuff

The lady on the news seemed shocked that people would be looting after the hurricane clobbered New Orleans.

It always happens because during a riot, a blackout or a natural disaster, the cost for stealing goes down because the police are occupied and you are less likely to get caught. Normally law abiding citizens will be tempted to join the crowd helping themselves if the price for plunder is near zero.

Some people rationalize that god created the havoc for their benefit.

The price of looting has gone up in recent years. With television crews rushing to every disaster, if you are unlucky enough, their cameras may document your looting, so you can be identified, later.

JOB DESCRIPTION: TV News Reporter

Must be willing to stand in floodwater (you must find some kind of water to stand in after a heavy rain). You must go to every hurricane near or far and stand out in the open to show how hard it is to stand against the wind. Stand in Shopping Mall parking lots the day after Thanksgiving to marvel about how many cars there are.

You may be asked to go to Iraq or another war torn country, but you will not be asked to leave your hotel room. Your reports will consist of the daily death and injury reports that are passed out to the reporters at your hotel.

The city must be in the background for the cameras. Standing on the balcony or too close to the windows is optional.

TRADE DEFICITS

Mr Bad Ideas likes Frederic Bastiat's solution for trade deficits.

Protectionists like exports and hate imports.

Frederic Bastiat proposed in the 1840's a solution to this problem: Have all ships sunk at sea. That way all countries can export, but none would have to import.

Read more of Bastiat's economic solutions:
Frederic Bastiat Explains It All

Analogy

Homeland Security not stopping people from sneaking across the border is like having a safe with a back door that you leave wide open.

51st STATE?

The claim of the chirping parrots like Cindy Sheehan that we went to Iraq to steal their oil is lame.

It would have been easier and much cheaper to take over Mexico. Most of Mexico wants to work in the United States but would rather live in Mexico. The candidates for the next Mexican president are starting their campaigns in Los Angeles. So, if Mexico was a part of the United States, Mexicans could have the best of both worlds.

Mr Bad Ideas' Favorite Book

You can read Mr Bad Ideas' favorite book and every chapter is there FREE!

HOW TO GET RICH SPYING ON YOUR NEIGHBORS

WHERE'S OSAMA?

I woke up this morning thinking if I were Osama Bin Laden would I still be in Afghanistan/Pakistan where they are searching for me?

No.

Osama Bin Laden could be anywhere in the world. He has had almost 4 years. In four years, he could have crawled over the mountains by darkness of night, hiding in spider holes by day. They could have stuffed him in the trunk of a car (they could have fixed it up to make it comfy for him) and driven him anywhere. Were they checking every trunk of every car in Pakistan?

He could be on one of his ships floating on the ocean that we never stop and search. He could be your next door neighbor. Right now, he could be refusing to look at women on the beach in the Bahamas.

A BRAND NAME GONE WRONG

In the late 1800's Bayer came out with a new wonder cough syrup that they advertised in ads along with their aspirin.

Then, a strange thing happened. People who didn't seem to have a cough were showing up at the doctor's office looking for the incredible cough syrup.

Read about A BRAND NAME GONE WRONG at FreeEnterpriseLand.com

BETTER SERVICE

According to commercials, there has been a lot of new employment for pillagers and pirates, lately. Perhaps, service will improve in general.

STONE THE CREEPS

They may start letting you carry scissors, ice picks, small knives, throwing stars, bow and arrows, and 60 other banned items in your carry-on luggage on airlines again. They say as long as the cockpit door is secured the plane can't be hijacked. By loosening the rules, they can speed up security and save money.


They should adopt my idea for airline safety.


Every passenger should be handed a bag of rocks when entering the plane. If someone has evil plans for the plane and starts causing trouble, the rest of the hundred or so passengers can take their rocks and stone the creep.

Rocks shouldn't create any unfortunate holes in the plane like bullets would, and since the terrorists want to take us back to medieval times we can take them back there first.


I wonder if one banned item will be taken off the list. Leaf Blowers.

LAWYERS AND LIBERALS WILL GET US KILLED

.

BANNED IN VEGAS

I was just wondering how many psychics are in the Black Book-banned from the casinos in Las Vegas along with the card counters and assorted cheats.

WACKO BELIEFS OF RICH AND FAMOUS

Celebrities are battling it out to see who they can recruit to their oddball religion.

Tom Cruise is pushing Scientology. Madonna is pushing Kabbalah. Katie Holmes- latest Scientology recruit. Ashton Kutcher and Britney Spears recruited to Kaballah.
Here is a television show idea- Wacko Beliefs of the Rich and Famous. They can show all the folks that pray to trees, dance with rattlesnakes, sit under pyramids, promote hemp, cry when they see a lobster in a tank, throw paint on fur wearers and who knows what, who also believe that we should take seriously anything else they offer an opinion on.

THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT

The current trend is to make Broadway musicals out of old movies like the Producers, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, etc.

The current trend in movies is to make them out of old television shows like the Honeymooners, Bewitched etc.

Will a future trend be to make Broadway musicals out of old movies that were made from old television shows?

WE HAVE EVERYTHING WE NEED

In 1876, the head of the British post office said that unlike Americans, the British would never need telephones. In England, office buildings were no taller than four stories, so it was easy for copy boys to run up and down the stairs delivering memos.

DRUG COMMERCIALS

I enjoy listening to the side effects they list in the television commercials for prescription drugs. My favorite is the ad for the anti-depression without sexual side effects drug. Among the terrible discomfortable side effects are thoughts of suicide. So, you'll be horny and not depressed, but wish you were dead.